If you recognize that movie quote by just that tiny piece, you’re amazing.
I’m sure everyone has felt this way at one point or another. “I hate him and I love him” — it doesn’t even necessarily have to be a “him”. It could be a “her” or an “it”. It could pertain to a person or a thing. “I hate him and I love him”.
It’s an odd statement. How could you love and hate someone/something at the same time? Well, it’s simple really. Depending on the situation, you could hate him/her/it because of something they do/did or maybe because you hate the situation he/she/it put you in. And let’s now start referring to “he/she/it” as a “them” for now.
Maybe, in fact, it’s not them you hate… It’s yourself.
This has been true way too many times for me. I love them, but I hate myself for loving them. It’s a frustrating, tiring, and downright depressing feeling. Well, anyway… This movie quote inspired this next part. A monologue, of sorts, for one of my newest projects.
You had your turn years ago. It’s my turn now. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t think straight. Everything in my life is hazed together. And I think, “What the hell am I doing? What are you doing to me?” You make it so easy to hate you. You frustrate me. I hate you. You make me mad. I hate you. You lead me around in circles. I…really… hate you. But at the same time, it’s so hard to stop loving you. I catch myself reminiscing about the days when things were good. Do you remember? I remember. I remember picking up that camera and photographing you when you were too busy to notice. I remember filming us together. I remember watching you play guitar. I remember you watching me sing and play piano. I remember you teasing me. I remember the way your lips feel. They’re so soft. I remember your smell. I remember walking around wearing your shirt. My favorite shirt. I remember everything. I remember those last moments. The last time we spoke. I remember what you said and that it hurt — that it was the most painful thing I’d ever endured. I remember waking up those days and the first person I thought of was you. I hate you so much. You ruined me. I hate you. I hate you and I love you.