The Hunchback of Notre Dame


I’m allergic to penicillin. Or amoxicillin. Or both.

So there I was, wailing about the stresses of being a student (tuition is a b****) when I felt a nagging sting in my right eye. Thinking nothing of it, I rubbed. And rubbed. And rubbed some more. Eventually, I began to rub both eyes — feeling a bothersome pain in the left as well.

Wait. Before I continue, you should know that I always have itchy eyes for some reason. I had actually just bought Visine for dry eyes, therefore — as far as I knew — there was nothing to be alarmed about.

But then I saw myself in the mirror.

It looked like both of my eyes had suddenly migrated to a different part of my face. My right eye was way up in New York while my left eye was down by Texas. It was an unforgettable sight. I looked like Quasimodo.

Anyway, I went to the hospital and got some drugs. They said they gave me 50 doses of Benadryl. I somehow don’t think that’s true seeing as I’m writing this post.

I am in the hospital bed as we speak. Still recovering.

Hopefully I’ll get to go home soon.


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